Scary vampire dreams.

No poop and boogers today.  Today is the day for a funny story.
Please don't judge me. You lie to your kids about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, so what I am about to tell you falls into the same category.

Last night, Kory and I were in the living with my parents, watching a movie.  ("Salt," it was mediocre.)  It was between 8:30 and 9pm, and Tyler was in bed.  My mom had read him a story and tucked him in, and we started the movie.
In walks Tyler, ninja-style, so I didn't know he was in the room until he said my name.  Here was the conversation:
Tyler: "Mom, I had a scary vampire dream."  He comes over and wants a hug.  I hug him, and ask him what it was about.  He says he doesn't know.  OK.   "So, it was a scary vampire dream?"  Yeah.  More hugs.  Kory tells him vampires aren't real and hugs him.  I tell him he needs to go back to bad.  He says he's too scared.

The wheels in my head start to turn.  I say, "Well, Tyler, I have a pill you can take, so you won't have scary vampire dreams."  He's all, What!  So I'm like, "Yeah, it's a non-scaryvampiredream pill.  I told him to wait there, and went into the kitchen in search of a nonscaryvampiredream pill.
Good lord, what can I give him that he won't be able to identify?  Because if I give him and M&M, he'll know it's an M&M and know it was a hoax.  So I have to make him believe.  If he believes the pill is for that, then it will get into his subconscious, and voila! no more scary vampire dreams.  At least that's my hope.  So then, I'm like, pistachio?  Nah, he won't eat it.  Nerds?  Too conspicuous.  Then I look in my medicine basket for some tums.  No tums.  Damn you heartburn, I ate them all.
Then.................I spy my birth control pack.

It has sugar pills.

I never take the sugar pills.  I always throw them away.  They don't have any medicine in them.
I pop one out, and bring it into the living room and give it to the boy.  He eats it. He chewed it up.  I asked him what it tasted like because I figured it would taste bad.  He said it didn't taste like anything.
We went back up to his room, I tucked him in, and I didn't hear a peep for the rest of the night.