The poop never ends; insanity prevails.

You know how I said my children have a chip surgically implanted in their brains which tells them when I enter a bathroom?
It really is true.

This morning, I put Ellie down for her morning nap, and decided to take a shower.
Tyler was in the living room, on the floor, rolled up in a Snuggie like a pig in a blanket, watching SpongeBob.  He appeared to be content, so I decided not to bother him.  I know some of you are thinking, "You leave your kid alone long enough to take a shower???!!! Are you insane!!! Why hasn't your house burned to the ground?"
Yes, No, and he's a good boy.  He doesn't get into stuff.  He keeps me informed of his activities.

Heading towards the shower, I proceed to pick an outfit, get a towel, turn on the shower and........get in.
The second I stepped in the shower and touched the water, I heard a small voice.
The small voice said, "Mo-ooom?"
"Mom, I have to go to the bathroom, but not pee."  Anyone who knows Tyler knows this means he's gotta take a heater.
I close my eyes, I shake my  head.  And I tell him to hop on the pot and take care of his bidness.
I'm in the shower, debating what to do.  No way am I getting out and freezing while he takes the kids to the pool.  So I wash my hair.  He can wait until I'm done.
Pretty soon, he informs me he is done, but he will wait until I am done with my shower.  

Approximately 2 seconds later, he asks me if I'm done yet.  Then, he says, "How about when I make this noise <insert fart noise> then you get out and wipe my butt."  My reply, "How about you just be quiet and I will help you when I get out."
Is it mean for me to make him wait on the pot while I shower?  I wasn't in there very long.  He was just sitting there talking to me.  We discussed microscopes and things which are microscopic.
And he made duck and fart noises.
The whole time I was in the shower. 

Turns out, it was a clean poop, and he didn't really need his bottom cleaned anyway.  Dammit!

So much for relaxing mommy-time.
The rest of my day was crazy, and it went like this.
When Kory came home for lunch, he opened the front door, so Tyler could catch the bus to KRP, and there was something weird on the sidewalk----(this made me laugh for the rest of the day.)
Apparently, a dog, or some other asshole animal, barfed on our sidewalk.  I looked at it, and went back in the kitchen to feed Ellie some carrots.  Kory walked in behind me, and was like, harfing in the kitchen.  He gagged all the way to the trash can.  Then he told me he had to puke and ran for the bathroom.
Just so you know, when Kory pukes, it sounds like a cat coughing up a hairball combined with a pterydactyl screech.  I laughed SO hard.

My brother called and I was on the phone for like an hour.  

Tyler came home from school.  He told me there was a worm on the bus.  He thought it would get off the bus tomorrow.
Ellie cracked her head on something while I was cooking......the piano, or a skillet (she was playing in the kitchen), and I think she's going to have a shiner.  Then MawMaw came over and fed Ellie crackers.  She got them everywhere and even spit some on the floor (Ellie, not MawMaw).  I love to clean!!!

Just now, we were watching Ni Hao, Kai-Lan!, and I told Tyler that Toley was a bitch.  He's always whining about his stupid Pandy that he doesn't want to share.  Tyler did not agree, and growled at me.  So I changed it to, "Toley is a weiner."  Better?  Whiner.

I need a drink.